Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Moments That Mattered

October had been quiet, very quiet, and a lack of work combined with a slight genetic predisposition towards depression joined together to bring a certain amount of career anxiety. Perhaps what I was doing was not the path for me; maybe, although I love it, i should try something else, but that too was a path paved with uncertainty.

I had a contract coming up, 2 months of solid work at a theatre that i always enjoy working at. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. What I was feeling made nervous look calm and collected. As the time to start the job grew closer, my worry increased. Thoughts of inadequacy and failure plagued my mind day and night and, like most irrational fears, repeating 'You can do this' to myself over and over didn't make it any easier to sleep.

As the first week progressed it got easier to take the worries one day at a time. I still wasn't calm, by any stretch of the imagination, but I was thinking more logically.

By the end of week one, when I was starting to feel more comfortable with my responsibilities, my boss took me aside at the end of the day and said the words that helped me know it would all be ok:

"I know you've found this week hard, that you've been worried and nervous but relax. I hired you because I know you can do it and I know you can do it well so just relax because even though you might not think so, you're doing a good job"

I don't mind admitting that this made me a bit teary. I'd not worked in such a supportive and positive environment before, rarely had a line manager so attune to his staff that he could see that I needed reminding that I was able to do the job that I was trained and hired to do. For the first time in months, my career didn't feel like a mistake - it felt like a calling again. Excuse the pun, given my profession, but it was like a lightbulb had been switched on in my mind, a warm light that chased away doubtful shadows and exposed the worries as smoke-and-mirror tricks. This is what I do, this is what I love and I'm damn good at it.

Today's post was inspired by the ever glamorous and lovely Lori over at Here is the original post (and yes, it's for a prize draw but that doesn't make the words any less true :))

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